The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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