walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
