i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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