all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
