you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
did i just pee glitter
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
