I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
