dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
