im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
