omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
