i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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