no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
