I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just gargled with NyQuil
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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