I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
