if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
