i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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