wanna go halves on a baby?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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