mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
