he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
