you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
