To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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