Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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