I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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