you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
