I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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