so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
