Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
