Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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