you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
