it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
operation harelip BJ is a go
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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