it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
