Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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