fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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