You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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