I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
