just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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