looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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