Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
