My friends, they love my intelligence
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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