We won't sleep together?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize