Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
