last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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