I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
