The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
