Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
