i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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