Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
