sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
