my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
