I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
