1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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