You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
