i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
