just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
