been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
