i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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