you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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