Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
