I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
