YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
