You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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