I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
