you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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