He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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