oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
