I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
