I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
